two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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