We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
