thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
