Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
