Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
