I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
