I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
