She's JV to your varsity
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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