"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
