Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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