goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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