apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
