i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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