you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
