can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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