What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
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We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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