your parents love me but you hate me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
