Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
