My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
