Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
