he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
