I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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