I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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