I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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