I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
