Pappa wants mamma naked
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
