Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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