if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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