her vagine was all disorganized.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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