your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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