Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
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