stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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