I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
