I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
