No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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