ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
