My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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