i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
