tell your sister to shave her snatch
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If I die, sorry about rent.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
