I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
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The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
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Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize