I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he fucked my hip out of place.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
