i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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