genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
if only i could text you this smell
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize