Soap is not a condiment
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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