I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I've blown a few things in my day
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The air taste purple.
Randomize