On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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