actually, I'm a sock model
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
