Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
