We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
