there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
