at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
