Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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