I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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