lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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