Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
