wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
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he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
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I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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