you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
