tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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