I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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