just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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