I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
