I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I need to sanitize my soul.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
