I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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