I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
