In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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