please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
