u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
