Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
