But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
