You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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