There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
