I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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