Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
