i was rollin on her like bob the builder
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
