I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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